I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
