you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
