O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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