I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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