like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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