Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
