Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
