Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize