Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
