38 yer olds are good kisserssss
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
