I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
