I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
