so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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