Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
