I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
