Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no, he came in my armpit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
