That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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