It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
