he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
