can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
