she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
