who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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