Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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