I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
