it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
