made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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