yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
