Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
