My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
