Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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