hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
