I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
