Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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