there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your topless pictures make me question reality
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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