My hand turned me down
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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