Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
