every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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