she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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