By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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