Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
