You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
