Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're my little dorito
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
