you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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