theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
