I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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