dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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