WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
