i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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