I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
