I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
